you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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