A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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