How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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