Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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