YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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