If that was your dad, he is hot
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
