I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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