it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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