dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
