my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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