I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm at about main and main street
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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