I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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