after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need a beard to bite.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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