If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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