im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
