DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's never too late to be topless.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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