Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
