I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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