just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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