i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
