Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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