dude i'm inner monologue high
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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