I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so let's talk penis.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
