she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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