Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
