i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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