your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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