His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
