We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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