oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
