I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
