:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
