I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
