I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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