i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
