Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
