I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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