In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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