I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
