I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
