why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
