Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
