why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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