you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
