You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
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It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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