Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
