she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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