just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
