He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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