So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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