It's Friday. Sex?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
