Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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