Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
