He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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