I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
