i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
