Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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