Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
