They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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