Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
