well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
