OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
