i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
