Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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