Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
