Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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