She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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