I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
