I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
