So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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