my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
