i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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