My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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