I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize