You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
