once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
