i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
