Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
